An Ode to my Bicycle, part the second.

Fuck you you fucking piece of fuck.

I’ve ridden you in the rain. It’s getting warm and I get to work so drenched in sweat I might as well just jump in a sprinkler on that last turn before work.

My thighs hurt like hell.

I hate everything and everyone. I hate the assholes who honk at me like I can move any closer to the curb. I hate the idiots that I wave past me cause I’M ON A GODDAMED BIKE YOU MORON, MAKE YOUR TURN. I like the bus driver who waves at me and keeps the STOP sign up a little longer so I can get around the bus easier. I hate everyone at work who comments on how ‘strong’ I am, how ‘dedicated’ I’m being.

No, fuck everyone and everything.

I hate this contraption.

MY THIGHS.

At least in 25 more days, I get to hope I can get my fiancee/husband to run with me or else I’ll get lost in the Canadian wilds and get eaten by a moose.

Fucking joy.

I cannot wait to cut you in half, you piece of shit.

MY THIGHS WILL DANCE IN GLEE.

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