THE TALE OF THE FEESHDRAGON.
One day, the fragile princess Pepnpenkun was in her tower when a terrible, huge, feeshdragon, known as the terrible feeshdragon Erin, came looking for ingredients for princess stew. With a swipe of his massive, feeshy claws, he kidnapped the fair lady!
At first, the kingdom sent a group of four, red garbed, axe wielding warriors which were promptly eaten.
Back at the castle, King Otter sighed at his wife’s suggestion to send four common warriors instead of the great Anti-Feeshdragon Knight, GoodKnightKris.
GoodKnightKris had a trusty steed, GoodHorseTerra, and together, they charged off to save the fragile Princess Penpenkun. However, the terrible Feeshdragon Erin was not silly, and prepared a diversion!
Standing before the entrance to the feeshdragon’s lair was the terrible, horrible, Kingmera! The Kingmera was able to harness the powers of Canada and summoned up a reserve of maple syrup, flooding GoodKnightKris and GoodHorseTerra. GoodHorseTerra was quite the fan of the syrup, abandoning his rider to lick the ground in urgency.
At this point, GoodKnightKris realized he left his lucky faerie at the palace, and walked back to fetch her.
As he approached King Otter and Queen Chilli to update them on his quest, they decided to join him because they too liked maple syrup and the trip seemed more fun than hanging out in a castle all day. The trio, plus lucky faerie, donned the traditional white sheet costume of Potatolandia and marched out to find GoodHorseTerra and the Kingmera.
King Otter was a good ottery king and came armed with an endless supply of stackable cups. He aimed his cups at the catnipped GoodHorseTerra and doinked him in the head several times. Queen Chilli whined about how she never gets a bow to fire, and threw some arrows lamely at the general direction of GoodHorseTerra.
After the cups doinked a few times, and arrows missed, GoodHorseTerra finally came around, and a light party was finally formed.
GoodKnightKris and his faerie stared down the mighty Kingmera. GoodHorseTerra grabbed a long stick from the ground in his mouth. Queen Chilli insisted on going first, but missed. King Otter handed her a beer and the party kindly waited. As the brew worked it’s magic, Queen Chilli’s arrow flew true! The Kingmera, now stabbed with the point of an arrow hurled from a hand, was stunned into silence of the stupidity of this all. The assault was on!
As ten horrible minutes of cup throwing, arrow hurling, faerie nonsense, and horse-spearing, the Kingmera grew bored. He was missing some choice harem anime, and waddled off to his lair.
The party progressed without question into the lair of the Feeshdragon. From its depths, a wild ‘kekekkekekekeke’ could be heard.
As they traversed closer, they peered upon the massive Feeshdragon Erin! He cackled and waved his feeshy paws. In the back, a cage containing the Princess Penpenkun could be seen.
GoodKnightKris made a sound. It was never good when he made a sound. The king gasped, the queen chugged a beer and hurled an arrow, smacking the Feeshdragon square between the eyes. In a horrible roar, he split into two!
Summoned from his lair, thinking it was a cry to signal his pizza being done, the Kingmera walked out, accidently pulling the Feeshdragon clone onto the first, nearly killing it.
King Otter had found one of the Feeshdragon’s ponds and was happily splashing about, stripping into a horn and swimsuit for the frolicking.
GoodHorseTerra, clearly the brains of this operation, headed to the cage holding Princess Penpenkun. He pressed against the cage door, shocked that it was open. He gently nuzzled at the silken skin of the princess who opened her eyes softly.
“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” she cried out to her hero.
Taken back by the horrid sound escaping her lips, GoodHorseTerra seized. His hips locked into place and he wildly poledanced across the battlefield.
Kingmera, who was lamenting the fact he had to forgo pizza and make rice for his anime, toppled over a set of mis-stacked cups. He tripped the mighty Feeshdragon Erin clone, smushing him into the real one, causing them to fuse back together!
Queen Chilli was busy on a smoke break, and cared less about the battle.
GoodKnightKris, silently taking in the stupidity, decided it was time to use up the party’s limit break, and summoned the great goddess of his hometown. On his knees in prayer, a small, red and white garbed creature popped into the area.
Taking a quick look around. “Oh for the love of god, NO.” She squeaked, and popped away in a cloud of smoke. From the smoke dropped a large, kawaii feesh.
The Feeshdragon Erin smelled the kawaii feesh and danced over in glee. King Otter, finally getting a pile of cups to stack properly, decreed they could not kill such interesting creatures as he gazed out upon the gleeful Feeshdragon and the sobbing Kingmera.
Upon their return to the castle, GoodKnightKris was rewarded with two hundred potatoes. Good Horse Terra was also rewarded. He received a stable with lots of hot stableboys.
Written with a stick in the perfectly placed pile of sand, GoodHorseTerra asked why Princess Penpenkun had made such a horrible sound.
“Well,” King Otter started. “That’s the only sound she makes. When she was born, Queen Chilli dropped her from the tower and gave her massive brain damage. We were kind of hoping she’d get eaten, however, we’ve captured two glorious beasts! We shall create a circus the kingdom will prosper from!”
Princess Penpenkun smiled and screamed “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”
“That means thank you.” Queen Chilli muttered between drags of her cigarette.
King Otter installed a huge pond in the palace for all his citizens to frolic in while Queen Chilli took several more smoke breaks.
The great and powerful, albeit tiny goddess sighed and went off to goddess class, leaving the great tale of the feeshdragon for generations to learn from.