This is the first thing I’ve written in months.

Bedtime Story

I guess all it took was this little bit to set me off.

Once I clean it up and format it properly, I shall post the epic bedtime story I told.

My god, it’s eight hundred words of stupid.

…glorious stupid.

CLICK MORE TO READ THE TERRIBLE FIRST DRAFT/ORIGINAL TEXT OF THE FEESHDRAGON

The fragile princess Penpenkun was in her tower when the terrible fishdragon Erin came looking for a princess to make princess stew with…

 

King:A group of four, dressed in red, wielding axes, rushed to her rescue!

 

Erin: the erindragon eats them!

 

King Otter sighs at the idea Queen Chilli suggested.. “four wars? seriously?”

king otter then released the terrible… um… antifishdragon knight GOODKNIGHTKRIS

goodknightkris rode on his trusty steed, goodhorseterra

goodknightkris and goodhorseterra charged into battle to save the delicate princess penpenkun, but the fishdragon erin was not THAT silly.

he summoned up the terrible kingmera! kingmera with his power of CANADA offered goodknightkris and goodhorseterra some maple syrup

goodhorseterra is quite a fan of maple syrup! kingmera laughs as goodknightkris is toppled from his noble steed.

goodknightkris then realised he left his faerie back at the castle.

Soooo… goodknightkris walked back to king otter and queen chilli where they decided to just go with him since this was bound to be a fun trip. they donned the traditional costumes of… ern… Potatolandia

which is a big, white sheet

…faerie included

to fight the fishdragon erin and kingmera!

 

 

King Otter, armed with an endless supply of stacking cups, aimed them at goodhorseterra in his syrup stupor and hit him in the head a few times. Queen Chilli whined about how she never got a bow and tried to throw some arrows

finally, goodhorseterra snapped out of it, and a light party was finally formed.

goodknightkris and his faerie stared down the kingmera! Goodhorseterra picked up a sharp stick in his mouth and looked ready to fight. Queen Chilli insisted on getting the first hit in, but kept missing until king otter handed her a fine beer.

as queen chilli’s arrow finally flew, the kingmera was silenced in the stupidity of the situation

goodknightchris made a noise and the party attacked!

AFTER TEN HORRIBLE MINUTES of cup throwing, maple leaf flinging, a horse flailing around on a stick like a stripper pole, and queen chilli getting progressivly drunker

the kingmera finally decided he was missing some good anime and waddled back to his lair

THE PARTY PROGRESSED INTO THE CAVE THEY BELIEVED THE GREAT FISHDRAGON LIVED IN. It was lined with beautiful, elegant beanfeesh.

From the depths of the cave they could hear the wildcackling of the feeshdragon.

‘kekekekekkee’ cried the feeshdragon erin as the party walked into his large lair!

the fair princess penpenkun could be seen in a cage in the back! goodknightkris made another sound, and the king and queen gasped, ITW AS NEVER GOOD IF GOODKNIGHTKRIS MADE A SOUND.

as queen chilli drank another beer, she hurled an arrow with presion accuracy right between the feeshdragon’s eyes.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE FEESHDRAGON ERIN SPLIT INTO TWO!

the kingmera popped up, clearly on a pizza break, and tried to pull the second feeshdragon, nearly killing the first.

king otter found a puddle and was happily paddling about, getting his tradtional country garb wet, so he stripped into his winter boots and swimsuit.

goodhorseterra, clearly the brains of this party, noticed that the fair princess penpenkun’s cage was unlocked and simply galloped past the party and opened the door.

He gently nuzzled the silken skin of the fair princess penpenkun

she awoke and cried “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

taken back by the horrid noise coming from her mouth, goodhorseterra’s hips became stuck and he seized across the battlefield

kingmera, now lamenting the loss of a pizza that was toppled from his hand while king otter tried to stack a set of the cups he fired, tripped over him.

he knocked the clone feeshdragon into the first, mushing them back together!

now on a smoke break, queen chilli could care less.

goodknightkris, silently taking in the chaos, decided to pull out his desperation card – summoning the great goddess of his hometown!

getting on his knees to pray, a white light stunned the entire stupidity into a standstill. from the sky of the feeshdragon’s lair, not that it really had a sky, dropped a tiny white mage with a hammer

‘Oh for the love of god, no.’ she cried, before leaving.

goodknightkris tried again

this time, a large, happy feesh dropped from the sky! the terrible feeshdragon erin danced over in glee.

king otter, now composed from his cup stacking, decreed that they could not kill such… interesting creatures, watching the feeshdragon play and the kingmera cry into the scraps of cheese pizza

upon their return to the castle, goodknightkris was given a reward of two hundred potatoes

goodhorseterra, scrawling in the sand pile placed for him to scrawl in, because i said so, asked why the fair lady penpenkun had made such a noise.

king otter went ‘well, thats kind of the only sound she makes. she was dropped from the tower as a child and has massive brain damage. we were kind of hoping she;d get eaten, BUT NOW OUR KINGDOM WILL PROSPER FROM BEING A CIRCUS.’

goodhorseterra was also given a stable with lots of hot stableboys.

king otter installed a large pond with all the profits he gained from showing off the kingmera and dragonfeesherin

queen chilli took another smoke break.

princess penpenkun thanked everyone with a WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

and the great and powerful goddess has to go to japanese class now so, THE END.

(I am never formatting this properly. It’s copy pasted from a massive text chain)

One thought on “This is the first thing I’ve written in months.

  1. Pingback: The Tale of the Feeshdragon | Kidnapped by a Story

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