Isabella the Spanish Ho

In continuation of my “Blog posts that only my mother reads and on topics which worries her” series, I’m going to talk about Civilization V today.

Brave New World, the newest expansion pack, came out last week and I haven’t done much playing of it because I have negative desire to do anything that isn’t sleep.

Though, to keep myself from impulse buying everything on Steam Sale, I decided the worst that happens is that I play three turns and quit. At least I can say I tried.

My newest game was an attempt to win not by forcing myself all over the map. I’m on a very tiny island. I’ve got three city states to my sides, and Isabella of Spain to my east. I’ve been diplomatic. I’ve tried to be nice – offered her luxuries for steel and horses, open borders, clearing out the barbarian camps… Nothing. Fine. Be that way you sassy ho. I hoarded my supplies and continued to build outward to the sea.

Then it happened. I caught, and killed, a Spanish spy in my territory. What the hell you miserable catholic ho? I called her out on it and instantly marched out a few troops to her border and told her to knock it out….

Two turns later we were at war, and then two turns of me burning her empire to the ground, she cut her empire in two by offering up a city.

Of course, five turns after our peace treaty I had to behead another Spanish spy in my territory.

I was mid-raping one of Isabella’s city state allies before I had to go to work, and now I’m really desperate to get home because I want to see her crumble under my armies.

Which is a nice feeling because I can still absolutely hate a person, granted, a computer, but I’m actually doing something about it, not just wallowing in my own misery.

Is it really because I’m not spinning my head enough that I’m this miserable? Really?

Perhaps I’ll try some new origami or something because damn, I got through this morning without wanting to crawl back to bed 3 or 4 times.

I am kicking myself for not picking up Crusader Kings now. I hear its a similar kill them before they kill you deal.

I’m totally still devoid of emotion when it’s coming to my finances still though. Who cares if I spend every last penny on stupid games at this rate. I won’t actually be able to buy things I really want, ever, anyway.

Oh! And not a single person cared about IBWGoLI going down. Like not even a “Sorry Mei! You tried so hard to make it work!”.

But I also don’t really care.

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